There has to be a system damnit!!!

Dear Me,

 So, first off, I thought since this is supposed to be a blog keeping track of my writing, I should probably set up a kind of system as to how I might do that.
Then I thought of Bridget Jones' Diary.  Do you remember that book?  Oh God, I do!  It was the besst book EVER!
Well, perhaps not EVER.  But it was really funny.  I could have been Bridget in another life.  Well, actually, I am Bridget in a lot of ways.  Clumsy, socially awkward, great friends.  The book was about more and I probably should hunt it down to talk about it more in another entry.
ANYWAY, at the beginning of the book she had a list of things she'd done that day of what she was supposed to improve on (i.e. less cigs, less drinking, more exercise etc.)  So I'm going go keep a record of what I've written for that particular day.
Now this list is not set in stone.  There will probably be changes over time but here is the basics

1. Did I Write Today?: This won't include the blog because the answer will always be yet.

2. Research or Fiction?: This is because after I'm done this course, I'm taking the spring/summer  off for my main story and do research with a slim possibility of short stories that I might post here.

3. How Many Words?:  Self explanatory.

I should probably mention I am the queen of procrastination.  It's not that I don't enjoy writing what I write, it's just some days are worse than others,
I'm terrified of failure and so I think it's just putting off another opportunity to fail at something.  If I could say what my biggest fear would be, is failure.
Not that I'm a roaring success at a lot. But I suppose my frail ego can't take much more of a battering so it's just easier to not try at all for the most part.
So why do I think this attempt will be different than the other crap I've tried.
Well, for one, I can't get sick.
Usually, getting into a better financial situation means you have to go to school, which means you have to be around people.  Yes, there is the option of taking courses online, but even then, once I finish the course, then I have to find a job.
Finding a job means stress.  I'm sort of a high strung person and have a bit of a problem with anxiety (a common trait among those of us who are chronically ill).  So, I sit and wait by the phone for interviewers.  THEN I get an interview and get nervous about that because I'm so socially awkward I never know what to say and probably make the worst first impression ever.
Then I wait some more, freaking out because I don't know if I got the job or not, and THEN I don't get the job and the process starts all over again, exhausting myself and making an already weak immune system weaker.
Now, let's say I get the job.  I strive for perfection.  Then once again make a nervous wreck out of myself (remember, weaker immune system).  Cold season starts, which usually lasts from November to March.  People start bringing their germs into work with them.  YAY!!
So then I get sick.  It takes me about a week or two to get over those miserable feelings you have when you get the cold or flu (usually takes normal people a week).  THEN I can't shake it because I haven't given myself the appropriate time to rest.  Cold becomes lung infection, lung infection leads to two weeks to a month of hospitalization.  Hilarity ensues.
Now I'm not saying that writing is going to make me a millionaire.  Hell, it might not make me any money at all.  But at least it's something I'm kind of good at, doesn't stress me out and I'm not around people a whole lot.  I just want to get this one project done, pray to God that every thing works itself out.
Wow, feels good to get THAT off my chest :).

Cheers

Murielle