Dear Me,

  My SO said I was nervous.  Yep, yep, yep.  I am, I am VERY nervous.  I am nervous and aggravated and sick and tired of waiting around for him to get a fucking job.

I am tired of people stating the obvious to me and treating me like I'm five.  "EI (employment insurance) won't last forever."

No shit.  As if I didn't know that.  As if I didn't know that what little money we are getting in this household is finite.

I am tired of getting phone calls from potential employers that ask for an interview and never hearing from them again.

I am tired of not being able to contribute more than I am now.

I am sick and tired of being accused of being lazy, when in truth, he does the exact same thing.

I am tired of people looking at me as if every decision I've made in my life is the wrong one.  Of certain friends looking at me and thinking that my health is some sort of joke.  Like I have a choice of getting every flu and cold that goes through the work place takes me ten percent down.  I have a precious 50% lung function left.  If you have a problem with me not working, well I'm sorry, I just not able.  Do you think I LIKE being in this position?  That I just love depending on other people for money?  Do you think I like that I don't have enough money to travel to places I want to?  That I have to scrimp and save for every dime?

Family members want me to go back to school, and then get insulted when I say I can't travel.  Ummm, yeah, I can do one or the other, not both.  So while I appreciate your support for furthering my education, please don't criticize me when I say I'm not gonna be able to visit you overseas.

I am sick of people judging him for not being more ambitious but just wish he would have enough drive to do things for himself when it comes to work.  Why do I constantly have to remind him to call?  I HATE being a nag.  I hate that when ever I do, it feels like I'm turning into my mother.

Right now I really, really, really hate my life right now